


The Long Haul

by Little_Firestar84



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Episode Tag, F/M, Friends to Lovers, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 14:41:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12961590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Firestar84/pseuds/Little_Firestar84
Summary: He wills himself to reopen his eyes yet again. But he isn’t sure he wants to.He is mesmerized. Thrilled. And scared.It’s too good to be true. If he opens his eyes, maybe he’ll find out that it’s been just a dream. That she is just making fun out of him.





	The Long Haul

**Author's Note:**

> The last episode was a really nice addiction for the shippers. Let's be honest- he wanted to kiss her, and there's a part of Amanda that just knows it....

_ “I’m human, right? And human people have sex, sometimes with people they love. Sometimes with people they don’t even know.” _

_ “Uhm. Thanks for that.” _

_ “And sometimes with people who are pains in the ass.” _

The words echo in Carisi’s mind for a long time after he hears them. Every time he gets a glimpse of Amanda, his mind gets back to that moment- and to the day he almost kissed her. 

He wonders if she is teasing him- or maybe, just maybe, she is just trying to get even with him. Remind him she is no one’s property (other than Jesse’s, that is) so she can do whatever the hell she wants with her life _and_ her body.

And, besides, she is right. _They_ are humans. He is free and unattached and he could, _theoretically_ , do as he pleases as well. 

Only, he actually _can’t_. Carisi isn’t even sure it’s because of Amanda, but, well, every time a girl asks him out – tries to pick him up, asks for his number – he just _can’t_. Because he is – always has been – a family man. And he already has a family. 

Only, it’s not really his. Because Amanda isn’t his girlfriend- his wife – and Jesse isn’t his daughter. He just happened to navigate next to them at each and every focal point in their lives. 

“Are you all right?” Amanda’s voice wakes him up from his reverie, and suddenly the cold December air hits him like a fist. Hands in the pockets of his heavy jacket, he shudders as his own frozen breath fogs his vision, and yet Carisi is quite sure that Amanda is smirking.

“Yeah, sure. Why wouldn’t I?” He plays it cool, or at least he tries to, but there’s just something oddly familiar with this whole setting – they are out of town for a case, they’ve let their hair down for the evening, drank a little too much and they are going to sleep in the cheapest motel available in a 50 miles radius. 

Everything in this whole situation it’s so familiar that it feels almost like a déjà vu.It’s… almost upsetting.

“You know….” She leans against the cold, paper-thin wall of the model, just outside her room. Amanda’s hand reaches out to him, and without hesitation she grabs the pull-tab of his jacket, and slowly – _agonizingly slowly_ – she pulls that down, her eyes never leaving his own.

“A…. Amanda….” He gulps, as his Adam’s apple bobs in his throat. “What… what are you doing?” He stutters, just like a kid – just like a teenager about to have sex with the first time. 

He swallows hard, again. Did he just think about Rolling and sex- _imminent_ sex – in the same sentence and context and situation?

“What do you think?” She chuckles as she finishes the sentence. Carisi closes his eyes, shut, and wills himself to reopen them yet again. But he isn’t sure he wants to.

He is mesmerized. Thrilled. And scared. 

It’s too good to be true. If he opens his eyes, maybe he’ll find out that it’s been just a dream. That she is just making fun out of him.

Maybe she is just a little drunk. But, her voice doesn’t sound drunk. Tipsy, maybe- but definitely not drunk. 

The sound of the opened zipper in heavy in the silent night. Amanda claps her hands behind her back, and looks at him, biting her lips like a tempting vixen. Carisi comes closer and closer, his breath fogging between their heated bodies; with his hands still in his pockets, he cages Amanda, one arm each side of her body. 

“But I’m not cold…”she whispers with a low, sultry voice. It’s close to a siren’s call. Gently, she puts her right open over his heart, stocking rhythmically, hypnotically the rough fabric of his shirt. His heartbeat is thundering in his chest like crazy – frantic one second, so slow it’s almost still another - and he wonders of she can feels it.

(He wonders if she knows what it means – what _he_ feels.)

Her eyes never leaves him.

He swallows, shakes his head, once, twice, then he lowers his forehead to the blonde crown of her hair. 

“You are drunk,” he says. He’s not sure whether he is talking with her or himself.

All he know is, he needs all of his strength – and maybe some more – to resist her.

He needs an excuse to back off, and if Amanda is really drunk, than this one is as good as any. Because… she isn’t just Amanda, the woman he has secretly been in love with _for years_. She is Rollins – his partner – and she is Jess’ mom, and his best friend too. She is all those things wrapped into a package and he _just can’t_ lose all those things just to have _one side_ of her, just for one fleeting moment.

He’d rather be miserable – and single – for the rest of his life.

Amanda gently skims his chin with a delicate fingertip, her skin as soft as the finest silk. His five o’clock shadow is quickly turning into stubble, and the contrast between their textures is electrifying- wonderful, beautiful – at least for him.

(He hopes she feels the same, too.)

“I’m _not_ drunk,” she says, firmly, forcing him to look at her, eye in the eye.

(He needs to see it for himself- that she is sure, that she knows. That she cares.) 

“Tipsy? Yeah. But not drunk. _Definitely_ not drunk.” She smiles of a smile that reaches her eyes, making them look like a mountain lake, or maybe the sky on a sunny Sunday morning in the late spring. 

She clicks her tongue against her palate, and grins, but does nothing. The next step it’s up to him. All she does- all she can do – is looking at him. 

“Liquid courage? With me?” he tries to joke, and he wonders if maybe the joke isn’t on him. 

(Even if he isn’t quite sure what he means by that. He knows it’s a tiny bit crazy, but, in his defense, thinking with his body firmly pressed against Amanda’s, her breath hot – scorching – on his skin, is a bit hard. At least, if he wants for _his brain_ to do the thinking, that is.) 

“ _Only_ with you.” She candidly admits, suddenly a delicate ethereal creature, as frail as a porcelain doll. Because he doesn’t know what to say, what to add.

“Amanda…” he says, but then he stops, and he doesn’t say another word. 

“You’ll not break me, Sonny,”she tenderly tells him. _But you could break me,_ he thinks. 

Her fingertips dance on his lips, and instead of letting out the lustful beast that’s been caged in his heart for far too long – for _years_ – he goes for sweet, and tenderly, reverently, like a worshipper before his Goddess, his kisses her tiny, pale, delicate fingers, his eyes closed in bliss.

Slowly, he reopens them, and he meets her hated gaze. Her blue eyes are in fire – but they are telling him so much more without saying one sole word. 

She wants him - she wants _this_ – just as much as he does. 

And not just for one fleeting moment. Not just for one night. 

He feels it – but he needs to make sure. Because Amanda’s right. He’d never heart her- but she could easily destroy him.

He lowers his lips to her hear, and she swallows, shivering at closed eyes, as he breaths on her skin, his voice a velvety caress she is immediately addicted to.

“Want to do this? More than fine with me, but remember Amanda - I’m no one night stand. Either it’s for the long haul, or we go back to each other’s room and tomorrow we blame this on the alcohol. So, what’s gonna be, darling?”

She gulps, eyes wide open as they face each other. They’ve known each other for years, and yet she has never seen him so sure of himself, so determined.

Frankly, she doesn’t think she has any other option. Not when Sonny – Carisi – looks at her _like that_ , talks with her with _that voice_.

_ Screw booze _ , she thinks. If he has this effect on her with just his voice – just his breath on her skin – what the hell will he do to her with his body, once they’ll be naked, tangled in the cheap sheets of this motel, or any other place they’ll do it?

Because she knows he is right – if they cross this fine line right here, right now, there’s no turning back – there just can’t be. This isn’t going to be a one night stand. This is going to be the beginning of something… more.

Maybe, just maybe… even the rest of their lives.

Amanda’s first touch against his lips gentle – almost tentative- but Carisi doesn’t answer on kind. As soon as she kisses him, he turns into a starved man, hungry for more of her – her scent, her taste – and he pins his partner against the wall, his hands busy tracing idle circles against the cold, smooth skin of her lower back.

She giggles against his mouth at the cold touch, and Carisi is pretty sure he’s never heard anything as good before in his whole life. 

(With, maybe, the exception of the time Jess called him “dad” while he was giving her dinner. Not that Amanda knew. It’s a secret, well hidden in his heart, a thought – a fantasy – he goes back to every night.)

They part, and Amanda remains speechless – maybe even a bit astonished – at the myriad of emotions she sees in his eyes, love, lust and desire blazing like a fire, his jaw tightened to steel, his teeth clenched together. 

Carisi – Sonny, Dominick – wants her. He _needs_ her.

Just as much as she does him. 

With a sly smile, without stopping focusing her gaze on him, she fumbles with the doorknob of her room. Once dealt with the contraption, she walks inside- backward, because there’s just _no way_ in hell that she’ll take her eyes away from him _right now_.

He follows her inside, and his eyes are dreamy, filled with love and devotion and anticipation- the same anticipation that makes her body tingle with awareness – but when he licks his lips, and his eyes travels down, looking at her _like that_ for maybe the first time since they met, Amanda gasps, because only _right now_ she realizes what’s gonna happen.

Sex. With Carisi- with _Sonny_. 

It’s scary. And yet… it’s so… it’s right. and she can’t wait for it to happen.

Still smiling, Carisi takes her right hand in his own, and pulls her against him. Running an hand through her hair, he nuzzles, tenderly, her nose, and then he lets his actions do the talking - and his body, too.

All their voices do for the whole night is whisper confessions of love and devotion and regrets, as their bodies melt together in the dark.

It’s not the end. 

It’s a new beginning. 

And it happens again, and again and again. 

Until they turn grey together. 


End file.
